Brian Helsing: The World’s Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter Series by Gareth K Pengelly (#1-3)
Requirements: ePUB Reader, 1.0 MB
Overview: A self-confessed nerd of the highest order, Gaz (he’s only called Gareth when he’s in trouble), when not playing video games, painting Warhammer, or working on his latest novel, can often be found blitzing about the British countryside on a clapped-out Kawasaki sport bike.
Mission #1: Just Try Not To Die
When Helsing XII, the latest in the long and illustrious line of brave demon-hunters dies in combat, no-one would have expected his ring of power to be handed down to an idiot.
Least of all said idiot; Brian Trelawney, the most hapless car salesman in the whole of Cornwall.
With no redeeming features bar his towering height, Brian finds himself thrust into a strange and often terrifying world of vampires, banshees and all other Things That Go Bump In The Night. Trained, after a fashion, by the eccentric Masters, and equipped with strange weapons, Brian is sent into battle as the unwitting savior of mankind.
Accompanied by his friend Neil, a man oddly enough far more appropriate for the role of Helsing, Brian must bumble his way through his first mission; placating a terrifying banshee whose keening wailing is keeping the residents of Bodmin from their beauty sleep.
Mission #2: Surf’s Up
Brian Helsing, the world’s most unlikely vampire hunter, finds himself thrust once more into the strange and terrifying world of things that go bump in the night.
This time, the insane surfers who dare brave the wintry Cornish seas find themselves on the menu as they’re hunted by Water Nymphs; sleek, lethal and ridiculously sexy predators of the ocean, who hanker for man-flesh and not in a good way.
Armed with new skills, Brian must bumble his way through another mission for which he is hilariously ill-prepared if he is to stop their feeding frenzy before it even begins. Before long, he finds himself questioning the wisdom of his eccentric masters. And wondering whether the line between good and evil is truly blurred… or whether it’s just the five pints of Doom Bar he’s already had to drink.
Mission #3: Howlin’ Mad
On the surface of it, things appear to be going swimmingly for Brian. A million pounds in the bank, a muscle car on the drive, and a ten-out-of-ten girlfriend on his arm. He was even beginning to get the hang of his newfound magical powers.
Yet why did it all feel like a precariously stacked house of cards just waiting to come tumbling down?
Well, his girlfriend and Gertie, his cute-yet-deadly Master of Combat, were starting to get close. Too close, if anything. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a cause for concern for most men, rather the opposite in fact. However, it just so happened that his girlfriend, Scylla, was, unbeknownst to anyone but Brian, a Water Nymph. And Gertie was the person in charge of training Brian in the art of bringing such creatures to justice. Usually by way of decapitation via magically flaming sword.
So there was that.
Also, reports of werewolves had started to come in, and in never-changing arse-end of England that was Cornwall, eight-foot, fur-clad killing machines didn’t tend to go unnoticed, which meant that Brian would have to get his Helsing on, once more.
But when Brian, Scylla and his perpetually annoying best friend Neil venture forth on their most dangerous mission yet, it doesn’t go according to plan. But then, life never does for Brian. You see, werewolves it turns out are actually pretty damn likeable. And there’s also the small matter of a vengeance-thirsting vampiress on the loose, intent on meddling at every turn.
As everyone is so keen to point out, Brian despite his progress still has a lot to learn. Yet by the end of this latest mission, perhaps he may have learned a little too much about what it means to truly be Helsing.